Elsewhere in the series
by Richard G. Mills
Lazy, Lazy, Give Me Your Answer, Do...
I've been thinking about putting my exercise bike out on my back patio
so I can sit in the sun, pedaling away, getting a tan and exercise at the
same time, while being out with my dog as he wanders around the back yard.
Now, before you say anything, I realize that this is one of those ideas
I've preconvinced myself makes good sense, while, in reality, it's about as
logical as putting on one's clothes the night before to save time dressing
in the morning.
First of all, it is no longer politically correct to be out getting a
tan, what with the hole in the ozone level and all. But, that hole aside,
there are about as many holes left over in my patio exercise idea as in a
slice of swiss cheese that's been used by a sharpshooter in target practice
with a shot gun.
If I'm going to be outdoors pedaling, why not buy a bike and pedal with
purpose? See the sights. Enjoy the scenery. Of course, my dog, being a
bit paranoid to say the least, would probably not enjoy running along side
me on a bicycle (me on a bicycle, not my dog on a bicycle). So I have that
excuse: I wanted to be out with the dog.
But the dog isn't very fond of my sitting on that contraption making my
feet go up and down and around in circles -- not to mention that I have the
push-pull handlebars (to provide, supposedly, upper as well as lower body
strength) which repetitive back-and-forth action could drive a sane dog
crazy. So that excuse really holds about as much water as the
aforementioned slice of swiss cheese, whether or not you happen to be in
the habit of carrying water in a slice of cheese.
And if I want to be outside exercising with the dog, why don't I just
take him for a brisk walk? That's what he'd really like to be doing,
anyhow. We could even go out for a run. He loves to run.
In fact, we could just run around the back yard. He loves to do that;
and it must be good exercise, because, within only a minute or so of the
chase, I'm usually huffing and puffing and wondering if I can get to the
phone to dial 9-1-1 after I start to feel my heart go or should I get
within grabbing distance of a phone right now.
But running in circles chasing the dog tends to get me a little dizzy
very quickly. And getting cleaned up and dressed appropriately to be seen
in public and getting the dog's leash and all -- well, there are just too
many opportunities to put it off until tomorrow. However, if the exercise
bike were just sitting there on the patio, all I'd have to do would be to
climb up on it and start pedaling and pushing and pulling away while the
dog went about his business checking out the new smells in the back yard.
So I guess I'll put the exercise bike on the back patio so I can get a
good workout in the sun and fresh air -- get those legs a-going, push those
handle bars, pull those handle bars. How else would I be able to get any
good outdoor exercise? Got me!
But first I have to mow the lawn. Now, where are the keys to my yard
tractor? Hmmm....
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("Love Letters in the Sand")
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