Man about the House  ©Richard G. Mills 1993-1996  All rights reserved.
Fall, from the series
by Richard G. Mills




Those Autumn Leaves... Vrroommm-vrroommm!

          My first house of my own.  My first autumn with my own lawn.  I tried raking the leaves.  And "Boy," I thought to myself, "this could get boring real fast!"
          Now, I didn't go out and buy the most expensive one I could find.  I didn't even buy the brand name that is practically a synonym for suburban lawn.  And I not only comparison shopped by reading the claims on the boxes (why does one use r.p.m.s, while the other talks horsepower?), I even asked the salesperson for additional information.  (She got out the book with the product info; it had the claims printed on the box.  But, at least, I tried!)  And, yes, I bought myself a leaf blower/vacuum.
          Actually, I've never quite understood the concept of the leaf/driveway/whatever blower.  Where is this stuff supposed to be blown? -- Into the street for passing cars to whip it back?  Into your neighbor's yard?  And haven't they heard of the wind? -- Isn't it all going to blow right back no matter where you blow it?
          But the leaf vacuum, now that's another story!  Not only are you saving the back-breaking and often frustrating task of raking leaves into little piles and stuffing them into plastic bags, you're actually mulching the leaves and recycling them over your bulbs and other perennials!  And, besides..., it's fun!  Why is it that adding a motor to a task makes it more enjoyable?
          So here I stand, leaf vacuum in my hands, leaf bag strapped over by back, sweeping up my leaves.  Vrroommm-vrroommm!
          Of course, a leaf vacuum may not be the perfect tool for a latent perfectionist like myself.  A sweep to the left, a sweep to the right; time to take a step forward, but wait!  I missed a leaf!  A sweep to the left, a sweep to the right; time to... but wait!  Where'd that leaf behind me come from?  A sweep to the left, a sweep to the right; time to take a step forward.  Is this really accomplishing anything?
          But then, in not too much time, I notice my leaf bag is half full!  A sweep to the left, a sweep to the right; time to...  A sweep to the left, a sweep to the right; time to...  A sweep to the left, a....  Am I really getting anywhere?  I look behind me, and sure enough! -- The ground I've covered is almost completely leaf-free!  You can see the path I've made in my otherwise leaf-covered lawn!  I am getting somewhere!
          A sweep to the left, a sweep to the right; a sweep to the left, a sweep to the right....  And then I stop to think what's really going on here.  It takes a major upcoming visit from friends or relatives to get me to vacuum my house; and here I am, vacuuming my back yard!  Is anybody watching?
          I take a furtive look over my shoulder, but I notice that nice clean path I've made in my leaf-strewn lawn.  A sweep to the left, a sweep to the right.  Let them look.  I'm having fun!  And-- I'm getting rid of all these leaves, like a true suburbanite is supposed to do (does anyone know why?).  A sweep to the left, a sweep to the right.
          Then I start to think again.  How long have I been out here, anyway?  This probably is taking me longer than the raking would have.  Of course, it is more fun than that back-breaking raking.  Boy, this bag is heavy!  I think it weighs a ton!  The strap is sort of cutting into my shoulder, and my back is sore.  A sweep to the left; a sweep to the right.  Vrroommm-vrroommm!  But it's fun!
          I have half the back yard done now and several bags of mulch dumped over my bulbs and around my trees and rose bushes.  A sweep to the left; a sweep to the right.  Vrroommm- vrroommm!  Sure, it may be a little silly when you stop to analyze it -- being outside vacuuming your back yard; but, at least I'm outdoors in the fresh air getting something accomplished!
          I take a look over my shoulder to survey what I've accomplished.  I've gone out of my way, latent perfectionist that I am, to vacuum up every single solitary leaf in my path, and the half of the yard I've vacuumed sure looks cleaner than the half I've yet to do, but what's that I see?  There's a leaf on my freshly vacuumed lawn.  And there's another!  And another!  In fact, now that I look more closely, there are a lot of 'nothers!  What's happening here?
          I feel a slight breeze, and I look up, and there a solitary leaf breaks itself away from the tree and slowly circles its way to my freshly vacuumed lawn.  But the problem is, it's not so solitary.  Another puff of air, and another leaf takes the plunge.  And then another leaf vacates the tree (I guess that's why they call them "leaves"!).  And another!  And it dawns on me:
          Here I am, out in my back yard, vacuuming my lawn, when I should be up in that blasted tree, vacuuming the tree!  Vrroommm-vrroommm!
 Next
Christmas Tree, O! Christmas Tree?

 Choose another

Click here  to order column for your publication!

 Go to writing--business/news/professions resume page

 Go/return to overall Table of Contents